3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I smell stomach acid.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
