He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
