Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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