I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
