Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
