I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
