Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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