He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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