Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
