Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize