tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the day after is always just damage control
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
