You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
