I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Everclear isn't food dammit
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
