I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
