just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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