Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
