anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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