Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize