giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
