Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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