i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
