so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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