dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
