thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
this boner is exhausting
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And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
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SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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