Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
