my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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