I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
