i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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