The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Come see our sink grown plant.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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