His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
