I can't breathe out the right side of my face
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
