Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just had sex on a roof
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize