his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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