walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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