So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
How external is "for external use only"?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
