i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
