i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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