I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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