You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We left an ass print on the piano.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
