Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
where are you?
Hypothermia
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
