Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
