420 ftw
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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