I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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