GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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