I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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