why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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