you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
