the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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