this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
