I just made out with a guy for $7.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
