My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
