I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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