I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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