I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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