that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
