fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
