I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
