I just made out with a guy for $7.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Let's get the cat blown out
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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