when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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