I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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