it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
