clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
