Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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