Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
