Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
