you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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