Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
