Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
