There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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