i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
