So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
