I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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